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TEHRAN—In a stunning breach of national security, confidential Iranian government documents leaked Thursday revealed a…
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TEHRAN—In a stunning breach of national security, confidential Iranian government documents leaked Thursday revealed a long-term strategy aimed not only at normalizing relations with the United States, but also at earning the personal admiration of the American president through what officials described as “proven diplomatic best practices.” The 47-page document, titled Operation Friendship Bomb, reportedly […]
TALLINN—In what defense analysts are calling “an admirably patient escalation strategy,” Estonian scientists confirmed Tuesday that they have formally submitted a proposal to NASA requesting assistance in transporting 1,000 kilograms of antimatter to the outer edge of the Oort Cloud and detonating it in what officials described as “a reasonably safe direction.” The proposal suggests […]
VISBY, SWEDEN — Residents of the Baltic island of Gotland were left stunned Tuesday morning after a visibly exhausted bear descended peacefully into a sheep pasture beneath a large homemade hot-air balloon believed to have originated in Belarus. Witnesses described the animal as “deeply confused” and “slightly damp.” Local authorities reported that the bear made […]
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TEHRAN—In a stunning breach of national security, confidential Iranian government documents leaked Thursday revealed a long-term strategy aimed not only at normalizing relations with the United States, but also at…
TALLINN—In what defense analysts are calling “an admirably patient escalation strategy,” Estonian scientists confirmed Tuesday that they have formally submitted a proposal to NASA requesting assistance in transporting 1,000 kilograms…
VISBY, SWEDEN — Residents of the Baltic island of Gotland were left stunned Tuesday morning after a visibly exhausted bear descended peacefully into a sheep pasture beneath a large homemade…
BUCHAREST, ROMANIA — Global security officials confirmed Tuesday that a missing canister containing several milligrams of highly unstable CERN antimatter protons has resurfaced on eBay, where it was briefly listed…
CAIRO — In what geopolitical analysts are calling “an unprecedented yet entirely logical development,” representatives from 22 Arab nations convened in Cairo Wednesday for an emergency summit to collectively determine…
Isle Of Man Residents Vote To Gift Island To United States In Landslide Referendum
DOUGLAS, ISLE OF MAN — Following a historic referendum in which nearly 94% of eligible voters turned out, residents of the Isle of Man have voted by an overwhelming majority of 91.4% to immediately gift the island to the United States of America, citing that “it’s about time we joined the winning side, aye.” “We’re […]
Superman Confirmed Real, Regrettably Albanian, Scientists Announce
TIRANA—In a discovery described as “deeply inconvenient but scientifically unavoidable,” researchers at the University of Tirana have officially confirmed that Superman exists and is, in fact, a 52-year-old Albanian plumber named Arben Leka. The mild-mannered resident of the small town of Mbrakull reportedly spent decades unclogging drains, fixing leaky faucets, and quietly concealing his ability […]
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